If you know me, there are probably a few details about my relationship with football that you already know. One might be that I got into a student organization last year on the merits of an essay about why TAMU shouldn’t be in the SEC, or involved in intercollegiate football at all. Another is that I occasionally see a turtle in a drainage ditch by my house. I don’t really care about this turtle, I really don’t, but when I see it my day is a little brighter. A little softer. I care more about that turtle than I do about the outcomes of football games. I ha-a-a-ate football. It’s violent, it’s slow, and the point system makes no sense. I do my utmost to avoid it at every turn. And if you’re the type of person who’s reading the blog of a university’s literary magazine, chances are you’ve got some antipathy for the sport as well. So here’s four ways to spend your Saturday that’ll keep your life blissfully football-free.
- Going On a Walk
It’s autumn, and these crisp days aren’t going to be around for much longer. There’s nothing quite like crunching a leaf under your foot whi– oh wait that was a cockroach. Well, it sounds like a leaf underfoot.
Seriously, though, going on walks is scientifically proven to improve creativity. They can also reduce stress, which, when paired with the fact that you’re not watching the Fightin’ Texas Aggies get crushed 35 to 14, means you’re going to be the most relaxed person in your first class on Monday morning. Prime opportunity for sucking up to the professor, that is, so take advantage. Also, exercising can make studying easier and more long lasting, so if you take a walk instead of going to the game you will literally be a better student. That’s a win/win in my book.
- Watch Season 2 of Stranger Things
Season 1 of Netflix’s horror-drama Stranger Things was one of the landmark new shows in the 2016, and honestly the highlight of that garbage fire of a year. I watched the whole thing in a pneumonia-fueled haze in November just to see what all the fuss was about, and it was the best time I had while sick since I watched Monty Python’s Holy Grail while high on prescribed codeine and hallucinated the Target Pit Bull* on my ceiling. As the days get colder and being outside is less and less appealing for anyone with a soul, I recommend curling up on your roommate’s couch and watching this show. I’m absolutely certain someone from TEP will do a review soon, but suffice to say that this season will scare and intrigue you as much as the last did. If horror isn’t your thing, Kristen-Bell starring comedy The Good Place is on Netflix and is a good way to spend an afternoon/evening/four hours of football free diversion.
- Actually Studying
It’s almost November, which means midterms have mostly passed. However, end-of-semester projects are going to be due soon, and those always take about three times as long as you think they will. Also: finals might seem super far away, but final week starts on December 7th, only six weeks away. If TAMU is going to keep its reputation as a school that deeply values academic success, it’s always a good idea to start studyi–
Who the hell am I kidding, you’re not gonna study. I don’t study while avoiding football games, who do I think I am to tell you to study? Instead, try going on SparkNote’s study break page. I particularly like their series on modern tween Shakespeare. It’s a good time. Much better than standing for four hours in freezing-cold Kyle Field.
- Read a Book
My favorite book so far this year is called The Six Day War: the Breaking of the Middle East by Guy Laron. As the title might suggest, the book is about malaria in Antarctica. It was for a class and a very good read all around, I really recommend it if you’re interested in international relations in the Middle East, both today and the mid-60s. I also really like John Green’s new novel Turtles All the Way Down, which is about OCD and how mental illness can just destroy your life (side note: football can cause mental illnesses! I hate this garbage sport!) and is also a pretty decent mystery besides. If you’re into classics that’ll take you approximately as long to read as it takes to watch Bama BTH out of us, you can never go wrong with Tolstoy’s seminal War and Peace. Finally, if you want even more of a reason to never attend a football game again, I highly recommend Jeanne Marie Laskas’s book Concussion, which inspired the highly mediocre movie of the same name.
In conclusion, there are probably an infinite number of things to do on gamedays that don’t include a pigskin or overpriced stadium food. These four are my favorites, but I’m interested in hearing from you in the comments about what you like to do. Alternatively: call me a bougie two-percenter, because getting in arguments on the internet is also a good way to avoid sports.
*Note: the Target dog is actually a Bull Terrier.
Editor’s Note: This article does not reflect the views and opinions of The Eckleburg Project. Gig ’em, Ags, and BTHO Auburn!